I wholly support the concept of having the first woman president of this country. For years I assumed AND hoped that Hillary Clinton would be that president. I think a woman has a 100% equal ability to govern as a man does, and in fact I DO believe that woman possess some innate qualities that could be of extra use in the White House – that men have some bullshit problems with ego and masculinity that can get in the way. (Although my mother has taken this logic too far on more than one occasion in pigeon holing men, including myself) But a woman is not a better candidate because she is a woman, for the same reason that a man isn’t either. And regardless of the fact that if I ever have a daughter I want her to open up that grade school book of presidents and confirm that she can become president too – and that I do not know when another truly viable woman candidate will become available to this country – that does not negate the realities of this race in my mind. That each candidate must be evaluated on their merits without prejudice. And without any question the candidate that can and will most transform our government and this country in not Hillary Clinton. And my problem increasingly is that the more I get a look at her, her perceptible motives, and her campaigning methods – the more I truly dislike her.

Further more, in response to the knee jerk activism that she seems to bring out in women who feel they will vote for her just because she is a woman, I can think of only one definition for such a reaction: sexism. And I have probably never been a victim of any real sexism in my life and realize that I perhaps should never even bring up the word – but frankly that is what this is. I find a viewpoint such as that inexcusably obtuse. And I will point the same criticism at any black voter that votes for Obama because he is also black, even understanding that our campaign may in fact depend on that very outcome. I will admit however that I do think that the first black president is historically more significant than the first woman president, if for no other reason than because slavery and the oppression and physical and intellectual violence against people of color has been the greatest flaw in the American experiment – but that alone will not make me vote for a black candidate by default either. If Barack Obama was some white dude named Bob Smith and had the same kind of ideas and inspirational spirit I have to believe I would also support him.

But my optimism is tempered, because I do not trust the rank and file in my party, I do not trust the baby boomers and the older women to make a choice that has looked into the future at the country my generation will inherit – the country we in fact want. And its not just the members – its the whole organization… The way I see it, the Democratic party, by candidate and by action (or inaction) has not been representing my interests in government for many many years. If rank and file members of my party continue to buy into the bullshit they are being sold, then I will probably have no choice but to leave them to their own end. I even found myself realizing last night, that if Bloomberg was to run I would volunteer for his campaign, not perhaps because I would end up voting for him, but because I want the opportunity to vote for him should this really be where the whole mess is going.

Over the past few weeks I have found myself more and more thinking that if Clinton wins the nomination, I will be finding myself reregistering as an independent. Watching very closely the way that they have run their campaign over this time has brought me to that conclusion, and the past bunch of days has served as an exclamation point. Her campaign’s cynicism, Rove like undercutting and identity politicking, and most of all the Bush like arrogance – have left me deeply troubled about the continuation of the current political bullshit in Washington under a second Clinton administration. I feel that Independents and even Republicans know this, so why can’t my own party realize it themselves?  And so I believe, at this point, that the first result on that path will be my disenfranchisement from my party – and who knows what I, and probably millions of others, will do then.